5 Ways For A Man To Leave His Father And Mother


One of the reasons today’s young males are stuck in a stage of development dubbed “adultolescence” is because there is an unhealthy, unbiblical dependence on Mom and Dad.  Genesis chapter two, verse twenty four says it plainly:

“A man shall leave his father and his mother”

Young man, what’s your plan to leave mom and dad?

It’s time to put on your big boy pants and be a man.

1) Move Out

Let’s start with the literal.  Some of you need to move out of your parents house.

That’s what the bible says a man does.  He doesn’t stay.  He leaves.

Yes there are circumstances where living with your parents may be wise for a season of time, but the key is that it’s for a specific purpose or predetermined time frame.  The goal should be to leave your father and mother.  Living indefinitely in mom and dads house is not healthy, especially if you are being pampered.

Get a plan for moving out.

2) Pay Your Own Bills

I get it.  There’s nothing wrong with your parents helping you out here and there, or possibly helping pay for college.  There’s not a list of things your parents can pay for and a list of things they shouldn’t pay for.  Here’s the question you need to answer:

Is the financial help that’s being provided, helping or hurting your manhood?

If your parents are emasculating you by doing too much for you in the area of financial provision, then you need to politely, but firmly refuse.  Don’t be a jerk about it.  Show gratitude for their desire to help, while explaining your desire to be intentional in the things that help you become a man.

3) Make Your Own Decisions

I know it can be a lot easier to let Mom and Dad make all your decisions for you, but a man leaves his father and mother.  Leaving doesn’t mean cutting off completely.  It’s often wise to seek counsel from your parents.  But, a man is responsible then to make his own decisions.

A man doesn’t go to college without any idea of what he wants to do, just because Mom and Dad want him to, or because Mom and Dad are paying for it (see #2).  Don’t let your parents fund your indecision or foster your avoidance of responsibility.

You need to be decisive.  College is filled with boys avoiding responsibility, decisions, and ultimately manhood, all the while feeling justified because that’s what Mom and Dad wanted them to do.  What does your heavenly Dad want you to do?

Figure out what you want to do and go for it.  After a season of going after something, if you’ve found out that it’s not for you, then humbly correct course and go after something else.

Be your own man.  Seek wisdom from your parents while making your own decisions, and by all means, do not give into manipulation.

4) Make Your Faith Your Own

I’m not suggesting you leave everything your parents taught you about faith in Christ, if that’s what they taught you.  I’m saying believe it because it’s true, not because Mom and Dad believe it.  Believe it because it’s real in your life, not just because Mom and Dad said it’s real.

Your Mom and Dad’s faith is not enough to get you through your hardships, or to battle the culture’s cries for meaning and truth.  You need to know what you believe and why you believe it.  That might mean that you have the same core beliefs as your parents, but the difference is that you’ve moved from having your parents as your primary source to having Jesus as your primary source.

5) Pursue A Wife

The last part of the verse we are referring to in this post says to “hold fast” or “cleave” “to his wife”.

Unless what God has called you to is better served by being single, it’s not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18).  Your leaving of Mom and Dad is unto pursuit of a wife.

No woman wants to marry a boy.  A woman wants to marry a man and before a man pursues a wife, he leaves his parents.  One of the best ways to screw up a marriage is to avoid a clean break from mom and dad.  Make it easier, on your wife and leave well before your wedding day.

(Image Credit: Mary Louise Eklund)

About Josh Christophersen

Josh is a software engineer, church planter, and blogger with a passion for helping people do their life well. He lives in KC with his wife and 7 kids.

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