A Man Pastors His Wife


When Paul wrote his first letter to the Corinthians, in chapter fourteen he says that in the church if there’s anything a woman desires to learn, she should ask her husband at home.

Note that he doesn’t say that women should ask their pastors. Why? Because it’s not a pastor’s job to pastor your wife.

Men, that’s your job.

Husbands should love their wives “in the same way” as Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church by washing her with the word and nourishing her. (Eph 5:28-29)

A lot of married women go to the pastor of their church when they want to learn, because their husband isn’t fulfilling his role to be the pastor of his home.  If this is you, then you need to man up and be the spiritual provider of your family.

The filth of the devil and the world is being thrown at wives daily.  It’s a man’s responsibility to wash her off with the word.

But how can you wash your wife if you’re not washing yourself?

How can you teach what you don’t know?

How can you nourish your wife if you’re not nourishing yourself?

If you’re going to pastor and wash your wife effectively, you need to be in the word.  You need to know, study, and treasure the word.

And pastors, stop doing the job your men should be doing.  Train the men to pastor their own wives.

Pastors trying to pastor the wives of the husbands in the church are trying to carry a burden they were never meant to carry and are opening themselves up to unhealthy emotional attachments from women who aren’t being nourished by their own husbands.  It’s not your job.  Challenge the men to do it.

A church where men pastor their wives has healthier marriages, women with more respect for their husbands, and a large pool of leaders to pick from when its time to appoint elders, because managing family well is the training ground for eldership.

A man who pastors his wife, has a healthier marriage, more respect from his wife, and more confidence as a man.

Men, pastor your wife.

(Image Credit: The Library of Congress)

About Josh Christophersen

Josh is a software engineer, church planter, and blogger with a passion for helping people do their life well. He lives in KC with his wife and 7 kids.

2 Replies

  1. This is really good. I’ve been in church for over 25 years and have heard very little teaching on this.

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