Josh Christophersen

Reign In Life

Men And The Economics Of Sex [VIDEO]

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The following video is entitled “The Economics of Sex” and is about a study done by The Austin Institute.

The video talks about what’s driving the demand for sex and what power men and women have at their disposal to get what they want.

The study deduces that since the “cost” of sex (what men want) has plummeted due to the pill’s consequent separation of sex from marriage and children, that now the “cost” of marriage (what women want) has gone up.

The video concludes that “men are in the driver’s seat in the marriage market”, calling it a “profound irony” because “by nearly every measure, young men are failing to adapt to contemporary life. When attractive women will still go to bed with you, life for young men—even those who are floundering—just ain’t so bad.”

The video mistakenly puts the solution to this conundrum on the women:

“In reality, men tend to behave as well or as poorly as the women in their lives permit.”

Although this may be reality; it certainly doesn’t have to be. What they are saying in essence, is that in reality men follow a woman’s lead.

And many men do.

But it’s not a woman’s job to lead a man.

That’s a man’s job.

The video continues, saying that “if women were squarely in charge of how their relationships transpired and demanded a ‘higher market price’ for the exchange of sex, so to speak, we’d be seeing, on average, more impressive wooing efforts, greater male investment, longer relationships, fewer premarital partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on.

But what about the men?

What if they started acting like men?

What if men stopped settling for less than the best sex, stopped treating women like mere sexual objects, and instead started treating them like queens?

What if men were more concerned with God’s desires than their own sinful desires?

The best way to see more impressive wooing efforts, greater male investment, longer relationships, fewer premarital partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on is for men to start lifting the heavy burden of leadership off of women and start putting it where it belongs: on themselves.

What’s So Bad About Sex Outside Of Marriage?

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A study done two years ago by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy found that 88% percent of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex.

Some look at that stat and are appalled.  Others shrug and ask, “What’s the big deal?”

In a world where sex outside of marriage is becoming more and more acceptable to the culture at large, what is the big deal?

What’s so bad about sex outside of marriage?

We could definitely have a discussion about the perceived pros and cons of sex outside of marriage, and I believe there’s some value in that.

But it really only comes down to one issue: the God of the bible calls it sin.

So the issue is really not about what you believe about sex outside of marriage, but rather what you believe about God himself.

What does dismissing God’s commands about fornication and adultery say about your beliefs about God?

Do you really believe that he’s God if obedience is optional or on your own terms?  Or if you do believe that he’s God and your sins are not a big deal, then your salvation from those sins isn’t that big a deal either – which would explain why your response is so lackluster and dispassionate.

But what if Jesus really is God?  And what if because he’s God, disobeying his commands really is a big deal.

If I slap my brother in the face I probably won’t get in any trouble.  If I slap a stranger on the street, I may.  If I slap a police officer in the face, I’d be arrested.  If I slapped the mayor of my city in the face, it would be a bigger deal, and if I slapped the president of the United States in the face, it would be a huge deal.

Who the sin is against determines how bad the sin is.

Sex outside of marriage, and all sin, is like slapping God in the face.

That’s what makes it bad. And that’s why we need to be saved.

(Image Credit: Jeremy Blanchard)

Settling For Less Than The Best Sex

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There’s a lot more to sex than a woman opening her legs to a man.

A boy in a man’s body, masturbating in a women’s vagina, is a far cry from what God intended for sex.

A man needs to rise up in more ways than one to open a woman’s heart. He needs to fight for her to be unafraid. The best sex is with a woman who trusts and is not afraid, because not being afraid makes a woman beautiful. Fear is the opposite of trust.

It takes trust for a woman to open her heart and receive a man’s love.  Sex outside of covenant is not a safe place for a woman’s heart because without covenant, a woman worries she’ll be used, abandoned, unloved, or only loved conditionally.  The natural response is for a woman to close her heart as a self protect mechanism.  Covenant says, “I will never leave you.  I will always love you, ’til death does us part and with no conditions.”  Covenantal love opens a woman’s heart.

A lot of men are trying to have as much sex as they can with multiple women because they believe that they have such a strong desire for pleasure, when in actuality their desire for pleasure is really weak. They’re settling for less than the best sex.  If a man really cared about the highest pleasure he would fight for a woman to be as beautiful as possible and would be more focused on giving than getting (Acts 20:35).

The best sex is enjoyed between two people primarily focused on each other’s pleasure. It’s a lot easier to prostitute a woman for your pleasure than to pursue a woman for her pleasure.

Men, why don’t you stop settling for such a small impish view of sex and a pathetically low desire for pleasure and shoot for something really pleasurable?

How about becoming a man and fighting for a woman’s heart?

How about you stop acting like a boy, thinking primarily about yourself, and you sacrificially love a woman like a man, putting her pleasure first?

How about treating a woman like a lady and not a sexual object?

And women, how about daring to believe that you’re worth being fought for?  Your body was meant to be much more than a place for boys in men’s bodies to masturbate.  Give yourself the dignity of waiting for a man who will give you the safety of being fought for, the confidence that you have a voice and are being heard, and the comfort of knowing that a man cares more about you than himself.

If a smooth talking guy says he wants to have sex with you because he loves you, take a moment to consider what love really is.

Love doesn’t take.  Love gives.

If a man wants to take your virginity, your dignity, or sexual pleasure without giving you the safety of the marriage covenant for God’s honor, you’re pleasure, and a possible future child’s best, then it’s not you he loves, but himself.

If he loves you then he cares about not sinning against God, you, or his own body (1 Cor 6:18-20). He doesn’t rejoice in wrongdoing (1 Cor 13:6).

If he loves you then he cares most about your pleasure (1 Cor 13:4-5).

If he loves you then he cares about what’s best for your children.  Yes, I said children.  Sex is where babies come from, and guess what, babies are conceived on birth control as well. If a guy isn’t thinking about the possibility of children, he isn’t loving you.

The best sex is sex done God’s way.

God doesn’t command you not to do things because he’s an angry prude who doesn’t want you to enjoy anything – quite the contrary.  He’s a loving father who knows that what gives him the most glory, gives you the most pleasure.  But like C.S. Lewis said, “We are far too easily pleased.”

Are you settling for less than the best sex?

(Image Credit: Joe Thorn)

12 Ways To Protect A Man From Sexual Sin

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Sexual sin is rampant.  The unprecedented, unequaled access to sexual images has only intensified the battle.  At times it can frankly be a bit overwhelming and discouraging to be a man daily attempting to navigate safely through the sexual minefields of our modern day world.  But there’s good news.  The same gospel power that forgave us of our past is power for the present and hope for the future.  We are more than conquerors (Rom 8:37) through Christ.

Men, here are twelve practical ways to protect yourself from sexual sin:

  1. Respect And Honor Women

    The nature of lust is to degrade.  Therefore you’re less likely to lust after a woman you honor and respect. Good manners are sexual discipline.

  2. Be A Man – Feel Like A Man

    When a man feels like a man, he tends to act like one.  Likewise, when a man knows he’s acting like a man, he feels like a man.  Feeling and acting like a man keeps a man from sexual sin, because man is the glory of God (1 Cor 11:7).  When a man acts and feels like he’s the glory of God, he abstains from sexual sin, because the glory of God doesn’t sin sexually.

  3. Be With Masculine Alive Men

    You’re a lot more likely to act like a man and abstain from sexual sin when hanging around masculine, alive men.  Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  It’s inspiring to hang around masculine, alive men.

  4. Fear The Lord

    To fear the Lord is to hate evil (Prov 8:13).  Your much more likely to abstain from something you hate than from something you love.  The fear of the Lord causes you to hate porn, lust, adultery, and fornication, because it’s evil.  The fear of the Lord kept Joseph from committing adultery with Potiphar’s wife because he asked, “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Gen 39:9)

  5. Wear Your Belt Of Truth

    Belts are worn to keep your pants up. Ephesians 6:14 says that the belt that’s part of the armor we wear as followers of Jesus is called the “belt of truth”.  John 17:17 says God’s word is truth.  A lot of sexual sin requires pulling our pants down.  Storing God’s word in our hearts acts like a chastity belt (Ps 119:11) protecting us from sin.

  6. Get A Vision For Greater Pleasure

    We are creatures of pleasure who do things because we believe it will give us the most pleasure.  Sin is pleasurable (Heb 11:25).  The power that a particular sin has to tempt me is directly related to whether or not I believe that there is anything else at that particular time that would give me more pleasure.  As John Piper says, “spiritually satisfied people sin less.”  Regular access to and experience of superior pleasure, lessens sin’s power to tempt.  Sin is satisfaction with lesser pleasures.

  7. Get A Wife

    Getting a wife will certainly not save you from every sexual sin- but it can help. The bible says that if a single person cannot exercise self-control then they should marry, because it’s better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor 7:9). Being horny isn’t exactly on a woman’s top ten list of reasons she’ll want to marry you though, so you better man up and give her some other reasons.

  8. Fight To Increase Your Wife’s Beauty

    1 Peter 3 says that the women of old made themselves beautiful by not fearing that which is fearful.  When a man loves his wife in an understanding way and fights for her to be unafraid, she becomes more beautiful.  In this way, a man loves himself by loving his wife (Eph 5:28).  The more beautiful your wife is to you, the more you’ll enjoy her, and the less likely you’ll be to look elsewhere (Prov 5:18-20).

  9. See Women As Someone’s Sister, Mother, Or Daughter

    Perverts try to invade someone’s sister, mother, or daughter’s privacy in an attempt to see them as some sexual object.  The woman on the movie screen, computer screen, phone screen, or magazine, is someone’s sister, mother, or daughter.  She’s more than individual body parts.  She’s a woman and treating her with dignity as a person, lessens the likelihood of lusting after her.

  10. Think Generationally

    The bible speaks of sins and blessings in generational ways.  The same window of hell you open to yourself, you open to your sons and daughters.  Likewise, the same window of heaven you open to yourself, you open to your sons and daughters as well.

  11. Go To Battle

    David committed adultery with Bathsheba because he stayed home at “the time when kings go out to battle” (2 Sam 11:1).  This is the same reason many men sin sexually today.  If you are not battling to advance the kingdom of God (Matt 11:12) and storming the gates of hell (Matt 16:18), you’ll eventually end up sleeping with Bathsheba, or fornicating on the battlefield.

  12. Fill Your Time With Treasuring Jesus

    Whatever you treasure the most, your heart will be most into (Matt 6:21).  If your time is spent enjoying Jesus, loving Jesus, living and giving for Jesus’ mission, serving Jesus’ people, your heart will follow. If you are not treasuring Jesus, then your heart will go in silent search of other lovers.  Put your time, talents, and treasure where you want your heart to go and it will follow.

(Image Credit: National Library of Scotland)

Married Couples With Traditional Gender Roles Have More Sex

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(Image Credit: Nationaal Archief)

A new study in the American Sociological Review by the University of Washington, says “that households in which men do more traditionally male labor and women do more traditionally female labor report higher sexual frequency.”

The study begins with a statistic stating that “from the 1960s to the beginning of the twenty-first century, men’s contribution to housework doubled, increasing from about 15 to over 30 percent of the total.”  Past studies have taken this data and deduced that sex is being used by women as an exchange for housework. But those studies neglected to take into consideration what types of housework the husbands were doing.

The new study found that couples who divvy up housework along traditional gender lines – wives “preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning house, shopping, and washing and ironing” and husbands doing “outdoor work, paying bills, auto maintenance, and driving” have more sex.

What I found particularly interesting about the study was a reference to another study by Pepper Schwartz on how “heterosexual attraction and intimacy seem to be organized around the enactment of difference or complementarity between the sexes” and “that egalitarianism in committed heterosexual adult relationships is associated with occasional boredom and a “sibling-like” tonality to the relationship that undermines sexual desire.”  He says that “introducing more distance or difference, rather than connection and similarity, helps to resurrect passion in long-term, stable relationships.”

“Occasional boredom and a “sibling-like” tonality to the relationship that undermines sexual desire”?

Wow.  That’s a jarring observation.  But it’s true.

Heterosexual men aren’t sexually attracted to masculinity and heterosexual women aren’t sexually attracted to femininity.  The reason it creates boredom is because it removes the beauty and intrigue, that lies within the mystery of the opposite sex.

“Sibling-like” tonality is problematic because it’s unnatural for siblings to be sexually attracted to each other.  Of course sexual frequency is less when a man feels like he’s married to his sister or a woman to her brother.

This is an interesting study, but let me be clear: the bible does not specifically state who should be preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning the house, shopping, washing and ironing, or who should be doing outdoor work, paying bills, auto maintenance, and driving.  That’s for each couple to sort out together.

But the bible does teach distinctly different complimentary gender roles.  And because those gender roles were created by God, there will always be something inherently attractive to men about true femininity and something inherently attractive to women about true masculinity, which when practiced by a couple in marriage, will inevitably lead to more sex.