Fighting For Your Respect Or For Her To Be And Feel Loved


God wired men with a desire for respect.

From his youth, he desires it from his parents.  When he’s older he also desires it from a woman. (Eph 5:33, 1 Pet 3:1-2)

You are more than likely especially sensitive to your desire for respect if you had a physically or verbally abusive father and/or a manipulative, controlling mother who still treated you like a boy when you were old enough to be a man.

The problem is that a lot of men are not very respectable.  If you’re not a respectable man you can either man up and start being respectable or you can fight for your respect.

And let’s be honest, a lot of times, if you have to defend yourself with words, your actions aren’t speaking loud enough, or they’re saying the wrong thing.

Fighting for your respect is the cheap, cowardly way of getting the respect you lack because of your lack of substantive manhood.

Men are to love by laying down their lives (John 15:13) and if married, by giving themselves up for their wives (Eph 5:25).

When you’re not getting what you want, don’t act like a baby.  Grow up and act like a man.

Don’t throw a tantrum.  Don’t fight for what you want.  Don’t verbally or physically abuse.  Don’t yell, control, manipulate, or dominate.

DIE. (Luke 9:23)

Lay down your life.  Give up the fight for your respect.  Be respectable.  Fight for her to be and feel loved.  That’s the best way to get the respect you want anyways.

Women respect love.  Women respect tenderness and chivalry.  Women respect strength – a man strong enough to resist the urge to dominate, in favor of serving.

A woman respects a man who fights FOR her, not WITH her.

She’s not your adversary and you’re not in competition with her.

A man doesn’t fight for things to be fair.  He doesn’t care if things are fair, because he doesn’t think selfishly.  He thinks sacrificially – how to bless.

A man doesn’t fight for his right to be right or for any of his rights, because a dead person has no rights.

Men, it’s not wrong for you to fight.  It’s wrong for you to fight for the wrong things.  It’s misdirected energy.

Stop fighting for your own respect.  Fight for her to be and to feel loved.

She’ll respect you for it.

(Image Credit: Smithsonian Institution)

About Josh Christophersen

Josh is a software engineer, church planter, and blogger with a passion for helping people do their life well. He lives in KC with his wife and 7 kids.

2 Replies

  1. Bridget

    very good word, Josh. this is so evident in so many marriages. thanks !

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