Settling For Less Than The Best Sex


There’s a lot more to sex than a woman opening her legs to a man.

A boy in a man’s body, masturbating in a women’s vagina, is a far cry from what God intended for sex.

A man needs to rise up in more ways than one to open a woman’s heart. He needs to fight for her to be unafraid. The best sex is with a woman who trusts and is not afraid, because not being afraid makes a woman beautiful. Fear is the opposite of trust.

It takes trust for a woman to open her heart and receive a man’s love.  Sex outside of covenant is not a safe place for a woman’s heart because without covenant, a woman worries she’ll be used, abandoned, unloved, or only loved conditionally.  The natural response is for a woman to close her heart as a self protect mechanism.  Covenant says, “I will never leave you.  I will always love you, ’til death does us part and with no conditions.”  Covenantal love opens a woman’s heart.

A lot of men are trying to have as much sex as they can with multiple women because they believe that they have such a strong desire for pleasure, when in actuality their desire for pleasure is really weak. They’re settling for less than the best sex.  If a man really cared about the highest pleasure he would fight for a woman to be as beautiful as possible and would be more focused on giving than getting (Acts 20:35).

The best sex is enjoyed between two people primarily focused on each other’s pleasure. It’s a lot easier to prostitute a woman for your pleasure than to pursue a woman for her pleasure.

Men, why don’t you stop settling for such a small impish view of sex and a pathetically low desire for pleasure and shoot for something really pleasurable?

How about becoming a man and fighting for a woman’s heart?

How about you stop acting like a boy, thinking primarily about yourself, and you sacrificially love a woman like a man, putting her pleasure first?

How about treating a woman like a lady and not a sexual object?

And women, how about daring to believe that you’re worth being fought for?  Your body was meant to be much more than a place for boys in men’s bodies to masturbate.  Give yourself the dignity of waiting for a man who will give you the safety of being fought for, the confidence that you have a voice and are being heard, and the comfort of knowing that a man cares more about you than himself.

If a smooth talking guy says he wants to have sex with you because he loves you, take a moment to consider what love really is.

Love doesn’t take.  Love gives.

If a man wants to take your virginity, your dignity, or sexual pleasure without giving you the safety of the marriage covenant for God’s honor, you’re pleasure, and a possible future child’s best, then it’s not you he loves, but himself.

If he loves you then he cares about not sinning against God, you, or his own body (1 Cor 6:18-20). He doesn’t rejoice in wrongdoing (1 Cor 13:6).

If he loves you then he cares most about your pleasure (1 Cor 13:4-5).

If he loves you then he cares about what’s best for your children.  Yes, I said children.  Sex is where babies come from, and guess what, babies are conceived on birth control as well. If a guy isn’t thinking about the possibility of children, he isn’t loving you.

The best sex is sex done God’s way.

God doesn’t command you not to do things because he’s an angry prude who doesn’t want you to enjoy anything – quite the contrary.  He’s a loving father who knows that what gives him the most glory, gives you the most pleasure.  But like C.S. Lewis said, “We are far too easily pleased.”

Are you settling for less than the best sex?

(Image Credit: Joe Thorn)

About Josh Christophersen

Josh is a software engineer, church planter, and blogger with a passion for helping people do their life well. He lives in KC with his wife and 7 kids.

3 Replies

  1. Kyle+Laura VK

    When you say: “A boy in a man’s body, masturbating in a women’s vagina…” It made feel a little queezy. And that’s because it is. And sleezy. And scuzzy.
    Great post.

  2. Laura VK

    This is a fantastic post, Josh!! –LVK

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