No one gets excited about contrived accountability. You know what I’m talking about. If you’re a guy it usually consists of three questions:
Did you read your bible today? Did you masturbate? Did you look at porn?
How do you escape this mechanical, impersonal form of contrived accountability?
The following are three essentials to real organic accountability:
1) Open Hearts
“Open wide your hearts.” (2 Cor 6:13 NIV)
There’s no accountability without vulnerability. And to be clear, vulnerability is not the same as transparency.
Transparency is an open window. Vulnerability is an open door.
A lot of people guard themselves from having to be vulnerable by developing a reputation for being transparent. Transparency isn’t enough. Dean Sherman said it best, “A relationship is as deep as it is open, as strong as it is broken.” An open, vulnerable heart makes accountability so much easier and natural.
Is your heart open to other people? Are you only transparent or are you vulnerable?
“Make room in your hearts for us.” (2 Cor 7:2)
2) Open Homes
“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.” (1 Thess 2:8)
The best accountability takes place in a natural, safe, and comfortable environment. A warm, inviting home can provide a space like that.
Opening your home is practical and provides a certain level of privacy that’s conducive to safe heart connecting. Having someone over for a meal or drinks, very often allows someone to feel comfortable enough to let their guard down to open the door of their heart.
If you don’t open your home, your left trying to be vulnerable in public places or the other person’s home and the other person may not be ready or willing to open up their own home. Usually if a person finds it difficult to open up their heart, they’ll also find it difficult to open up their home. Opening up your home creates a safe place when their own home is not.
Is your home open? Do you have other people over? Is your home warm and inviting? How often do you have others over for a meal? Do you show hospitality without grumbling (1 Pet 4:9)?
3) Open Schedules
In the busyness of our culture it’s very important to make time for people. Time equals relationship. The deeper the relationship, the more natural the accountability.
Do you intentionally make room for other people in your schedule?
All Three Are Necessary
If you have an open home and an open schedule, but your heart is closed, what good is that? You’re basically making room for shallow relationship.
If you have an open heart and an open schedule, but your home isn’t open, you’re not providing space and comfort for people to practically open up.
If you have an open heart and an open home, but you don’t make time for people to access your heart and home, what good is that? That’s just a facade.
True organic accountability requires all three: open hearts, open homes, and open schedules.
How are you at these three things?
My wife and I have been talking heavily about this topic lately. For a long time we have encouraged transparency in our lives and to others. However, we have been learning as well that people will only be held accountable to what they want to expose through the window of transparency. The vulnerability definitely goes hand in hand with the transparency all coupled with a heart that wants to Glorify God. Without the open door of vulnerability, the transparent window only exposes part of the story and therefore is able to hide the unexposed secrets…….Proverbs 3:7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
Right on Todd. You’ve got to open the door.